Dear Audacious You Readers,
Happy Lunar New Year of the Rabbit and Black History Month!
Depending on when you celebrate the new year, you may already be one full month in or are just getting started with your celebration.
And, like many of us, you’ve probably set a new vision or goals to strive towards for a better quality of life.
How’s your progress coming along?
What Research Reveals
According to research on New Year’s resolutions, by the end of the first month, 64% of those who’ve set resolutions press onward while 36% have already abandoned their goals. Some common reasons include setting unrealistic goals and failing to keep track of progress.
But here’s something else to chew on: a “new” vision built on a messy foundation is doomed to fail.
What’s your personal foundation like?
Strengthening Your Personal Foundation
Helping my clients shore up their personal foundation is often the starting point for pursuing their big goals. Much like building a house, without a solid foundation supported by quality materials and good construction, it’ll eventually collapse under the slightest tension.
Your personal foundation works much the same way. By foundation, I’m talking about your core operating systemor internal base of support. This base includes elements such as your self-concept, guiding principles, beliefs, habits, and skills upon which everything else is built.
We generally don’t think about our foundation in our daily life largely because it’s intangible. But it’s ever-present, working invisibly in the background. For example, the decisions we make, how we present ourselves to others, and the ways in which we approach commitments, challenges, and conflicts are all informed by our foundation.
So rather than focus on effective goal setting, let’s get back to basics and explore cleaning up your foundation so that your vision has a chance to take root.
A Code of Conduct: 3 Guiding Principles
Like the seminal text, Four Agreements, you too can create your own code of conduct to strengthen your foundation and steer your life in the direction you choose.
Here are three principles to consider:
#1: Tell the Truth
This is a big one for many of us. We’re used to telling half-truths, withholding information, or positioning ourselves as victims without any self-accountability whatsoever. But every lie told keeps us invested in maintaining a facade and distorts what we know, feel, and want to experience. Ultimately, our misrepresentations sever us from living authentically and experiencing meaningful relationships.
🧱 Act: Practice telling yourself the truth (silently or aloud) even when it feels uncomfortable. Doing so will eventually become a habit and make it easier to speak truth to others. The key in truth telling is to share information in a caring, direct way that opens hearts and communication. “Keeping it real” is not a license to be rude, dismissive, or arrogant.
#2: Honor Your Commitments
Because we’re afraid to tell the truth or are people pleasers, we tend to overcommit, which creates unnecessary stress and mess in our lives. When we take on more than we can handle, we either fail to deliver or do so poorly. (If we do manage to deliver, it often comes with an emotional toll.) People will eventually learn to distrust us. Perhaps even more importantly, we learn to distrust ourselves. Our self-esteem and self-worth take a hit, too.
🧱 Act: Before committing to certain tasks or requests, take a pause. If necessary, ask for time to consider the request and let others know when you’ll have a decision. As you reflect, consider your own capacity to deliver, any ongoing commitments, and current resources (internal and external) such as your energy, finances, and supports. The goal is to make—and keep—agreements that align with your values, capacity, and resources.
#3: Set & Enforce Boundaries
When we fail to enact boundaries, we empower others to run amuck in our lives. Boundaries protect us and help us experience healthy relationships with others. Essentially, they let others know how we want to be treated and what we will and will not allow. But it’s just as important to enforce boundaries especially when deviating from a customary pattern of behavior.
🧱 Act: Decide what matters to you that’s worth protecting. Then, set the boundary and determine how you’ll enforce it (e.g., the consequence[s]) if violated. And, be sure to respect others’ boundaries as well. It’s a reciprocal affair.
With a firmer, more orderly foundation, you’re much more likely to achieve your goals and experience a greater sense of well-being.
I’m rooting for! Do keep me posted and let me know how I can support.
At Your Service,
About Glenda M. Francis
Glenda M. Francis is the founder of Audacious Inner Works Institute, a personal development and capacity building service organization. She is an ICF credentialed life coach specializing in confidence building and women’s wellness and power.
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